This is just a space where I will write about the more personal things that I think about or am feeling. Unlike my other blog, Jazzy's Notebook, this isn't something I want to share with the whole world. So why blog about it right? Well, for my entire life I always kept journals. Wrote about my feeling and thoughts and experiences. Then, 2 of the closest people to me, read them, at different points in my life. I do not regret them reading it now. At the time I was so mad I threw all of my journals away. Years of writing gone. So, I turned to blogging. Here it is forever and I can share it or keep it private. Yes, I have random thoughts. I write about books, movies, gardening or whatever else comes to mind on my other blog. If you want light-hearted and easy going, check that one out. Here, I will share my deeper thoughts that are not all pink and easy. I usually keep the deep thoughts inside. I'd like to let them out. So here goes.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Update

I figure since I have not been consistent in blogging all year I will do an update post from Jan-now. Be prepared it will probably be a long post. In mid January I reached out to a coach who I trained with while doing crossfit a few years back. She offers online nutrition coaching now and I was tired of feeling horrible about myself. Before I even go into that I will say I am very well educated in nutrition and can give great advice, motivation, meal plans, workouts. I learned about nutrition from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition or google or books-I'm a researcher by nature, if you name it I probably have extensively read up on it. When I reached out to her and started working with her I was expecting something like a miracle. Something I didn't already know. The reality is she told me the same things I knew. She gave me a plan. It was up to me to stick to it and to make the proper choices. When my progress slowed she would change my plan to switch it up. She was a resource but the work was still up to me. That is the most valuable thing I learned from this coaching experience. Seeking a new plan, diet or hot trend isn't the answer. It's dealing with what brought you to the point of personal failure that will bring about change. It is doing what you have to do even when you don't want to do it. It is forgiving yourself and being proud of yourself way before reaching your goal. The grass is greener where you water it, not on the other side. However, with her coaching, she introduced me to a ketogenic diet and a supplement called Keto//OS. Both of which are totally life changing to me. (I'll talk about these in a future post) This was the third revision to my meal plans while being coached by her. The previous two revisions I followed about 80% of the time. Still had cheats, still felt like I was on a diet and just doing what I was told. When she switched it the last time I took an active role. I didn't just do what she said. I researched the WHY. How my body reacts to things. The science behind why she was telling me I could not eat carbs except for greens! No sugar! Was she insane? That was life changing. Not just the meal plan, what was life changing is the fact that I was an active participant. Learning and understanding how my body works and allowed me to realize what works for me. Not just because I was told to eat this. I understand what it's doing to me and how my body works with it. What will motivate you will be different than what motivates me. I never imagined knowing the scientific information would make a difference to me. But it did. I didn't feel like I didn't have control and I'm just meant to be bigger my whole life and should just deal with it. The coaching I paid for would be wonderful for someone who doesn't have a clue where to begin or can't meal prep or count macros. For a few months I questioned why did I even bother paying someone to tell me what I already know.  But that is exactly how I learned that the answer is in me and what I do or what I don't do. You can pay the best nutritionist, trainer, but at the end of the day if you don't do your part and believe in yourself it won't work. And that knowledge, my friends, is priceless. The money I spent with that coaching is worth it for that lesson alone. I'm far from my goal. But you know what? I'm proud of myself. I've worked hard to get where I am and I'll enjoy the ride. If you can't love yourself at 215 lbs how can you love yourself at 188? Every day isn't perfect or happy but it's a day that we are given to experience life, learn, and try again. I'm not putting myself out here for anyone's approval or recognition but if I can help motivate or inspire someone else that is more than what I can ask for. 

215lbs       198lbs        188lbs




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