This is just a space where I will write about the more personal things that I think about or am feeling. Unlike my other blog, Jazzy's Notebook, this isn't something I want to share with the whole world. So why blog about it right? Well, for my entire life I always kept journals. Wrote about my feeling and thoughts and experiences. Then, 2 of the closest people to me, read them, at different points in my life. I do not regret them reading it now. At the time I was so mad I threw all of my journals away. Years of writing gone. So, I turned to blogging. Here it is forever and I can share it or keep it private. Yes, I have random thoughts. I write about books, movies, gardening or whatever else comes to mind on my other blog. If you want light-hearted and easy going, check that one out. Here, I will share my deeper thoughts that are not all pink and easy. I usually keep the deep thoughts inside. I'd like to let them out. So here goes.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Let's Just Call This Day 2 Shall We

Since December I have been struggling! Struggling to stay focused with my diet and exercise. 1 year and 6 months into Crossfit and I should be way farther along than where I am now. I know exactly why too. Don't think that eating cupcakes, burgers, pizza, almond croissants, and white chocolate don't add up. Don't think that not going to the box consistently wont rear its ugly head when you least expect it. You cant out train a bad diet. Aint that the truth!  Today is Day 2. Day 2 of getting in the box and eating right aka Paleo. The Lurong Challenge starts in 2 weeks. But why should I wait? I did it on my own when I first started, I didn't wait for the "challenge." Plus, I'm just so disappointed in myself and need to change it now. I'm tired of waiting for the results that I work hard for then sabotage by eating like SHIT. I'm so done with that. I have NEVER been more focused and determined. it's not about being skinny or losing weight. It's about being STRONG, not only physically but MENTALLY and EMOTIONALLY!  When I'm sad or feeling down  I want cupcakes. Guess what? I never felt any better after eating a cupcake than how I felt before I ate the dang thing. BUT, I have felt 100% better after doing a wod. I'm not the fastest, strongest, whatever you want to call it, person in the box but guess what? I give it what I got. I beat myself up mentally because I know where I was and I see where I am now. Physically, I gained 10lbs. I still fit in the same clothes-just much more snugly. Mentally, I have lost so much. But this is not about wallowing in my own pity. I can change and am doing so. Not trying to. Just doing it. There is no try. Just Do or DON'T DO. I'm tired of being a DON'T DO. I'm DOING! 
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