Taps the mic...is anyone out there?

Well, this is a new record. About 9 months of silence. 9 months of struggles, stress, pain, happiness, vacations, marriage, honeymoon. Goals met, goals failed. Falling down and picking myself back up. Depression and sadness. So much has gone on in these months. I'll just share the quick and dirty synopsis. I was doing great until December 2014. Pretty much until I bought my wedding dress.  Due to a situation with my mother I really did all wedding things on my own without her. I'm so thankful and grateful for such wonderful friends and sister who really have been here for me. After buying the dress I became pretty depressed and began eating my emotions. Cupcake after cupcake. I still worked out, just not consistently. I was so mentally drained that it was pretty hard for me to focus on taking care of myself. Anywhoodles, I got married in July, had a great time, went on a honeymoon and now I'm back to work. Just because the wedding is over doesn't mean my goals are expired. There is no expiration on your dreams.  

Today's workout: tabatta (20 seconds on, 10 seconds rest, 8 rounds) plank, situps, ground to overhead, leg lifts, lunges, squats.  2 mile run on my lunch break in 90 degree weather. Hot as heck! Saw this truck while running, how fitting!

Update

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written here in 6 weeks! Today is 150 days in! I went to Florida towards the end of October. November just flew by! Overall I have maintained my weight and have been working out consistently. I have been hovering between 198-201 for the past few weeks. I have been struggling a bit with my eating recently. I just want to eat cupcakes, oreos and pastries. I'm going wedding dress shopping in 11 days. I thought I would be closer to my goal by now. I guess I'm just venting now. Just because I'm not where I planned to be doesn't mean I'm not thankful for where I am. I just think it's time for me to regroup and refocus. I saw this on my run yesterday and couldn't help but take a picture. 

Wake Up Call: Day 0

I haven't written here in a loonng time. Tonight I'm writing because I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated because I feel like I am sabotaging myself. I'm getting married in 1 year. I have been engaged for 2 years. I have only bitched about getting married my whole life. Now that it is here, I'm in denial. I'm depressed. I'm eating bad. Working out less. This is the one thing I have wanted my whole life and I can't even work towards my goal?! I don't need to be 100lbs but damn it I would really like to not be 221 lbs. I had done really well doing crossfit and eating paleo. I went down to 180 in about 8 months. Then I switched jobs, had a new schedule and yada yada yada. Apparently, depression to me means eating cupcakes and chips and fast food. I'm tired. I'm tired of being mad at myself about my weight. I'm just going to change and do it. Maybe if I write about it it will keep me going for longer than my 11 day streak since my last post in September 2013. Tonight I took my measurements. Tomorrow I will find my old notebook and compare them to where I was a year or 2 ago. Each day I'll log my food with myfitnesspal.com - I mean, I could share it here, that wouldn't hurt I guess. I will say that it is not like I hate myself but I just am a tad disappointed because I know better and yet here I am once again. Alright, enough rambling for now. Here are my stats:


5'7''
221 lbs

belly button 46’'

high waist 36’'

boobs 44’'

hips 49’'

thigh 28’'

arm 13’'

neck 13''

Did I really have to measure my neck lol! Should I include some pics? Dare I call them before pics? Since it's 11:58 tomorrow will be day 1.